View of hilly Istanbul from our kitchen window
“it’s a low low road
You’ve gotta roll down
Before you find your way, my friend
And it’s a high, high hill
You’ve gotta climb up
Before you get to the top again”
–Grace Potter and Mark Batson,
from Grace Potter and the Nocturnals’ Low Road
How are your resolutions going?
I’ve never been much into New Year’s resolutions, and I’m even less interested in “should” these days. “Should” is probably one of the worst habits I needed to break, actually. I did a lot of things I should including eating healthy, exercising, and living a clean lifestyle for the last decade. Not that those things are bad and didn’t help me be healthy longer, but I got cancer anyway… I did the work I should, hosted celebrations I should, took care of others as I should, volunteered as I should. I did too much “shoulding” and didn’t seek as much joy as would have been good for me. In the busyness of should, I lost the dreams. I lost the play. If your resolutions are sticking and getting you over bad habits you need to drop, by all means, keep on. That’s important.
I should be dead by now. That’s the last should I’ll ever need. I am done with should. My dreams orient my days. I will do what’s naturally needed to realize my dreams. What gets me through treatment far from home these days is dreams of more normal times and vibrant life. I sit through chemo and hyperthermia dreaming of little and bigger things that I’ll enjoy when I heal. In that way, I put 1 foot in front of the other in terms of the things I must do. It’s the dreams that pull me into the future through the daily grind. They orient me without chastising or dictating or yelling too loudly. Dreams are more like good friends, rather than bullies.
My dreams involve simple things like cooking in my own kitchen and shopping at the grocery store myself again. Taking a warm bath. Being able to run around the track and lead another yoga class or even do a regular Vinyasa flow for myself. I dream of trying out a Hammam here in Turkey when I feel better. Wearing more normal clothes that don’t have to accommodate a swollen abdomen, as recommended by the ever-stylish Kathryn. Learning from Shelby how to wear whatever ends up being my hair again. Adding the make-up and earrings to feel pretty because that still sounds like fun. Trying out the air fryer I bought for Grant for Christmas. Hugging my dog. Walking my dog. Sitting in the backyard with the Lacks and other neighbors. Perfecting Keto pizza so I don’t miss Papa John’s (even if Grant says it’s gone downhill…I’m a foodie, but not a snob). The sun on my shoulders and the sand between my toes. Many more spectacular sunsets and breathtaking sunrises. Ongoing date nights with my husband. I dream of walking in South Chagrin reservation – being strong enough to cover the whole trail – with Sharon again.
Bigger, longer-term dreams include watching my kids flourish in college and beyond. Being on beaches, frolicking in the water, and vacationing with my family, for years to come. Empty nesting and retirement travel with my husband. I’ve wanted to experience Iceland, Australia, Africa…and anyplace John would like to see. And Michigan and Florida from time to time, where we have friends and family I’d like to hug, including my cousins’ daughter Aria. I dream of seeing live music which many of us miss because of Covid, like seeing Grace Potter and the Nocturnals again at the House of Blues.
It’s still incredible to me that my cancer has overlapped completely with a pandemic, for good and bad. I dream of the normalcy of traveling to board meetings in New York City, and the novelty of finding a keto restaurant where I can eat everything on the menu including dessert(!). I dream of hiking in Colorado and dancing with abandon at our niece Sarah’s wedding in November. I dream of swimming in any body of water whether it’s Lisa and David’s pool, the Gulf of Mexico, any ocean or sea, or Lake Michigan. Beaches feature prominently in my dreams. Any and all. I dream of connecting with and having fun with friends, old and new.
My heart dreams of soaring as I watch my son graduate from high school and sending him off to prom in June. I dream of the melancholy but “it’s-all-good-really” feeling of moving him into his dorm for college later this summer. I can hardly wait to see my daughter enjoy a semester abroad this fall while remembering my own experiences as a student in foreign countries. I want to see what she makes of these experiences and what good our kids will do in the world. I dream that our kids orient from joy rather than should because I finally learned how to model that. I dream that they won’t have to learn these lessons the hard way because I did that work while they watched. I dream of continuing to work in whatever ways makes sense, feel good, and make the world a better place…maybe even another book…not because I should but because I can’t keep it in, as was true the first time and happens with all of these posts. I dream of the joy and satisfaction of creative flow. I dream of learning new ways “to channel cosmos into the chaos” as Madeleine L’Engle has said. I dream of seeing and realizing more beauty, not because it’s new, but because my eyes and soul are more attuned to it…or maybe also because the veil of adulthood is pulled back and I can remember what I used to see as a child.
In many ways, I dream of the life I had but with much more presence and appreciation. That’s what I’ve heard from people who go so low as I’ve been physically and climb back up again. The physical transformation mirrors the emotional and spiritual.
I’m done with shoulds.
What I’m not done with is life.
I have dreams.
I wonder, what are yours?
From your lips to God’s ears. May all your dreams come true!
Love u
May all your dreams come true! What a remarkable post So much food for thought! Thank you.🥰
Thank you 🙏
I dream of signing up for your yoga class and starting it out with one of your uplifting cards. 🙂
This post rang so true with me. Oh yes it’s still a process. The shoulds and shouldas like to rule, but I like this replacing them with dreams!
namaste! xo
Every piece you share makes me think, really think. Today I will think about getting some of my dreams down on paper, along with remembering the importance of being present. ❤️ Continuing to send big hugs to you.
Good! Much love
Praying and hoping that all your dreams come true, Jackie! I love your idea of focusing on dreams instead of shoulds. Wish I had learned that before turning 70, but better late than never. Mine involve travel, of course. Antarctica in two weeks!
I saw! Love the trip plan. Enjoy!!!
I dream of the day we all get together with the Miami fishing crew for time at the beach or Bourbon street and great food. And maybe a stop at happy feet that includes a million laughs with you and .
All my love, Maggie
Oooooooh, yes, that is already on my list too! Love to you all
Jackie- I hope I can convince you to add a trip to Ann Arbor with me to your future plans! Sending love!
Love that idea. Yaaaaasssssss!
Jackie – your reflections are so powerful and helpful to all. I truly hope you get to live out your dreams!
Thank you! Same to you
Jackie, You continue to fill me with awe at your so very positive dreams. I pray they all come true!
🙏🙏🙏🙏😘😘😘😘
Bless you, Jackie!
Your words, the honest and raw ones as well as the ones that remind us to live out our dreams, are filled with the gifts of passion, life, wisdom, and light! And we feel your love, Jackie. We love you back!
Thank you ❤️
“The physical transformation mirrors the emotional and spiritual.” Amen x 10, dear Jackie. I feel like I am a worshipper in a call and response service…with your every paragraph, every sentence. Amen, yesssssss, Hallelujah. Amen, sister Jackie!
I finish your posts both breathless and full of lift. Your portal is indeed wide open to the divine, Jackie. Thank you for sharing it with us. Thank you for allowing us to see behind the veil of adulthood and realize the truth of your words. Love and love and more love to you. ❤️
Thank you, sister Roxanne! One of my dreams is to pick grape leaves with you in Shaker. Xoxo
Jackie, your words are so beautiful and put life in perspective. The shoulds always seem to outweigh the wants, but your words make the wants seem possible! Keep up the dreams till they are reality! Shelby and I miss you and want to see you in the near future back in Cleveland!
Thank you 😘
Miss u too
Enjoy the wedding!!!❤️❤️❤️
Amazing! Thanks for continuing to share your dreams, your faith, and your life itself. My dream today is for your dreams to come true.
Thanks so much, Pete
Dreams do come true, Jackie! Keep up the good work! 🙏🏻😘
🙏❤️ I just need the chemo to work this time. The first time did not. I did everything and even managed to feel well throughout, but the medicine let me down
“Shoulds” and “good intentions” run congruently without merit while actions tell our story. It took my son getting sick to differentiate them. Sad. Thanks for your words.
So true 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
For over 40 years I listened to people in my many congregations tell me what I “should do” – either for the church, or for them or for someone that THEY felt needed a piece of me. Somewhere in those years I took that word and would say – only to those that I knew with great familiarity: – “Don’t should on me!” (Say that quickly and you will get see why some folks were taken aback!)
Yes, it took me years to allow the “should’s” to bounce off me and happily I have achieved peace. Now I can laugh. Keep dreaming, Jackie! And let those dreams carry you day to day!
love,
Fr. Brian
Thank you for sharing Father Brian. Much love (and no shoulds!) xo
Tough lesson in the song, low road and high hill, much like the tough journeys we face in this life. I am replacing old dreams with new ones these days heartened by the notion that every end brings a new beginning.
Thank you for sharing this song and your many other gifts. I wish you peace and blessings as your journey ensues.
Thank you. Yes it’s a profoundly beautiful song 🙏
I love this. A real cause for pause. Food for thought. I hope we can go on our hike. God has really blessed us with you🥰😊
I want that too Carmen ❤️
I’m dreaming of that huge party we’re going to have in our backyard this summer to celebrate your return to perfect health!
Pls pls pls
Love you 😍
I take the biggest breath as I read your posting… I smile as I can hear your voice in the writing… I love your dreams and longings and how beautifully you layout such a wide lusty range. I wish it all for you…
“Wide, lusty range” Exactly. Thank you, Mary Ann. Xo
Keep dreaming big! You’ve so inspired me over and over again. 💕
And you do the same for me! Thank you, Lila. Xo
I pray all your dreams come true Jackie. You deserve all those dreams. May we all come to share our dreams with one another and lift each other up to help actualize them. Godspeed, healing vibes and much love … ❤❤
What a beautiful vision, April. Those would be wonderful conversations. Much love
Thank you Jackie, I want to say so many things, but truthfully my words couldn’t add to the quality of this moment, this now. Your light shines so much truth onto the beauty of now. sweet dreams 💜
“Sweet dreams” is just right. Thank you so much
It is amazing how your posts lift up so many, do such good. A dream already realized!!!! Thank you for sharing your journey!
Thanks so much, Lisa! Wonderful to hear from you
Thanks for these Jackie. They really make me think. Sending you every positive thought I have
Thanks so much, Will. Wonderful to hear from you! Hope you and yours are well
Jesus, Jackie…you’ve got a whole lot of living left to do!!! The world is a better place with you sharing your wisdom and experience for those of us who are too caught up in the busyness of life to take notice of and appreciate the important things that you so eloquently have observed through this journey to restore your health. I am so grateful for your advice and good counsel. My dream is for all of your dreams to be realized! Sending love and prayers for continued healing! 💕
Thanks so much, dear Cheryl. I’ve learned a lot about the art of living, laughing, and having fun from you as well. Much love
Poppa John’s has gone down hill / you have not! God bless and thanks for sharing your inspiration.
Lol! Thx Joe!!
Again…reminding us via your words and your most profound journey to be in the present. To shed conformity and worry. To focus on positivity and what matters. I promise I will do better. Can’t wait for you to heal. We need to actually hug it out in person when you get home!!! ❤️
Yes we do! 😘😘😘
So much to think about – always enjoy your thoughts! Hugs….💖
Thank you, Gina 😘
You WILL live a long life Jackie. At least 14 years. This is how much I have lived after they told me 6 months! So ACCOMPLISH instead of dreaming. Everything will be fine❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👍
I’m a writer, among other things, Sandra. This is part of what I accomplish, even while still in chemo again far from home. I published a book right before I was diagnosed and went through surgery and chemo 2 years ago. Maybe you would like it.
Currency of Empathy: The Secret to Thriving in Business & Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/173243641X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_VS4H2B789327S5ZDJ0G8
I’m dreaming of taking a walk with you and John some day, Jackie. Lmk where and when!
Love that idea. Yes, please. Xo
Jackie,
On my walk tomorrow in the foothills of the Rockies in Colorado I will look at the beauty through your eyes. Thanks or sharing your wisdom.
Jamie
Thanks so much, Jim. I love your beautiful pictures…inspiring dreams. Enjoy
Dearest Jackie, You know that my dream is to swim with you in the beautiful sea, perhaps the Aegean. I hope to see you really soon. Sending love and appreciation for all you are giving to the world.
😘
Dear Jackie- Glad you’re not having a “shouldy” life these days:) Thanks for continuing to share and inspire!
love,
Laura
😘❤️🙏
I love reading your posts each week. Keep writing!
ty! will do
Keep dreamimg Jackie….Your powerful words, thoughts and insights will help you to manifest your dreams.
Here’s to us all dancing with abandon at our wedding!
Cheers! Can’t wait!!! John and I are going to make such a fun trip of it. So happy for you. Xo
I listened to this today and thought of what you’d written here. I don’t know if you’re a Mellencamp fan, but this seems to resonate… https://youtu.be/VhmhgOBYzH0
I will listen
Thank you!
Love it ❤️